When my editor gave me this title, he helpfully provided a few questions to assist my writing of this article. "Think of what to do when your man just refuses to commit." "Dump him," was my rash reply to the editor. He narrowed his eyes and gave me one of those 'you-young-pups-just-don't-know-anything-do-you' looks. My intuitive antenna that senses l-o-n-g-s-p-e-e-c-h-a-h-e-a-d buzzed angrily and I bade a hasty retreat to my desk.

While it is quite the norm these days not to get married, I personally feel that marriage is pretty much a safe bet for women. A lot of odds are against women in a relationship with her partner without legal binding (unless, of course you are Goldie Hawn). I shall not get into details here but let me just share a romantic sentiment that many women still hold true in their hearts - there is one man out there for her, and one man alone.

It is ironic that when you have found The One, he is ever so evasive to get married. However he seems pretty happy doing the routine husband thing. So why do some men find it difficult to commit to a relationship? There are many reasons involved, perhaps something relating to his childhood or growing up years, or even his outlook in certain matters. While we cannot guarantee 100% success in marching him to the altar, here are a few tips to get him to tie the knot… willingly.

What is your Kua number?

The first thing to do is obtain your Kua number. To do this, first gather the last 2 digits of your year of birth and add them together. If the result is more than 10, add them again until you obtain a single digit. For example, if your year of birth is 1969, add 6 with 9 = 15. Then add 1 with 5 and you get 6.

After this there is a slight difference of calculation for males and females. For males, subtract from 10 the earlier number, e.g. 10 - 6 = 4. Hence males born under the year 1969 have the Kua number 4.

For females, add 5 to the earlier number, e.g. 5 + 6 = 11. To obtain a single digit, add 1 with 1 and you get 2. Hence females born under the year 1969 have the Kua number 2.

Now, the point to having your Kua number is to determine your Nien Yin (Relationship) direction. Position your bed so that your head points to your Nien Yin when you sleep. Below is a chart of Kua numbers and their Nien Yin directions. Please note that the number 5 is not used in the Kua number calculations. If you obtain a number 5, men should refer to the Kua number 2 and women should refer to the Kua number 8 for their respective directions.

Do remember to find out the annual Flying Stars of #2 and #5. In 2002, #2 will be in South and #5 will be in East. Black #2 causes sickness and Yellow #5 causes accidents and mishaps. So if your Nien Yin is in either one of these directions, use your Sheng Qi (Life Generating) direction instead for the year.

A little romance goes a long way

Think roses, think champagne, think candlelit dinner, think soft pink - all the overused, supposedly over rated gestures of love. It is important to keep the romance going, even if you have lived with your partner for years. The 21st century means that you can do the proposing during a tender moment over a perfect dinner, low lights, rose petals and good wine - the whole works.

The Black Hat Sect school recommends placing crystals in the Southwest area of your home, office or bedroom. Southwest, according to the primordial Ba Gua represents love and romantic happiness. It is also of the Earth element. Crystals are said to greatly enhance the Earth element, thus giving your love life a strong boost.

Bits to remember The basic rules of bed placement are :

1. Avoid sleeping in a room located above or below the kitchen, the toilet or the laundry room. If there is no way to change this, at least make sure that your bed is not directly above/below the stove.
2. Avoid positioning your bed head against the same wall as the toilet.
3. Avoid sleeping with your feet pointed to the door. If there is little space to change anything, place a screen between your bed and the door to soften the blow of fast flowing 'qi'. You can also use a chest of drawers that do the same but are more aesthetically pleasing.
4. Avoid sleeping underneath an overhead beam.
5. Keep the toilet door in your room closed at all times.

When you stand at your main door looking out, what do you see? A beautiful mountain top view? Green grass and trees? A busy and polluted street? Whatever it is, make sure that there is no water feature on the right side of your house when you look out. This is believed to cause your partner to stray, and I do not mean losing his way when coming home from work. If you have a swimming pool or a fountain in that position, empty it (if possible) and fill it with earth and walla! you have a new garden bed.

The Xuan Kong way

Now if you are a true-blue Feng Shui traditionalist, you can use the Flying Star method to get your partner to pop the question.

If the #1 - #4 (Facing star 4, Sitting star 1) combination of stars is found in your home, it can be activated by the presence of some non-active water to promote romance. Examples of non-active water are plants that grow in water, e.g. Kuan Yin bamboo.

Beware of several star combinations that can easily break up your relationship. So are you interested in Flying Stars now? Check out the Xuan Kong Homestudy Series by Joey Yap - a whole list of combinations and more can be found in this comprehensive course. Might take a while to master this method, but hey, it would be very worth it to bring about a successful marriage, career, education… you get the drift.

When all's been said and done…

If he thinks that he is not ready to settle down, there are many ways to convince him otherwise. However if he really is not ready to tie the knot, short of putting a gun to his head, there is nothing much you can do. If this arrangement suits you fine, then by all means go for it. If you crave for something more than just a verbal agreement, then perhaps it is time to move to greener pastures, plenty more fish in the sea, grass is always greener on the other side…

Still I say, dump him.